First and foremost OMG....years weeks months days hours seconds since the last time I have written. SOOOOOO many things yet again have happened and has changed. I probably should change the title of this entire blog due to all the changes that have taken place.
Lets start with the biggest change of ALL...my partner whom I started writing about in the first place who later became my best friend who later became my mate later became my fiance'. Great right. Listen when you find that one person you know that you know that you know you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with its nothing more fulfilling than that. Yeah yall happy for me right. At 28 years old I was finally where I needed to be moving in the direction that I wanted to move in. On November 16, 2014 5:31pm that all changed. See that Sunday my best friend and the best thing that has ever happened to me had a massive heart attack right before my eyes.
YES...what you read you just read. Massive heart attack in our living room on the couch in front of me and and his daughter. You can only imagine how his at the time 15 year old daughter felt. I cant even describe to you the emotions I felt but in the face of the most traumatic experience of my life there was this calmness so unfamiliar to me but it knew I had to keep her calm by totally removing her from the situation and then try to keep him as calm as possible as he was dying right in front me and he was scared...man you guys have no idea what these past 11 months have been like. smh
So here I am 10/26/2015 less than 30 days away from the year of his death and I am lost, I feel incomplete and complete at the same time, I feel like I am half way keeping it together most days. Its hard. point. blank. period. I am a different woman now, first being 29 years old then having to rebuild everything I was working toward. Life now feels more like a blank piece of white paper and I am the artist staring at the canvas with no clue what to draw. I just twirl the lead in between my fingers over and over again looking for motivation.
So in this time of transition I have to go back to the drawing board. Yall pray for me because its been a journey that no one unless you've loss someone you were intimate with you wouldn't understand. Well anyway I wrote this really long post at first but the site crashed and it was deleted. I wont even try to begin to rewrite all that I poured my feelings out and it was gone with the click of the mouse...figures.
I will say that I am a work in progress and so far today it has been great to write this. So this is exciting. I maybe should have tried this some time ago. Anyway as November 16th approaches D-Day as I like to refer to it, I plan to document my feelings. I have done a lot of video documents but this is better. Oh but why D-Day you ask? You mean besides it being referring to as the day that the beaches of Normandy were stormed that changed the face of the war? Well that's what November 16th is for me the day my beach of life was stormed and forever changed its course. Im inviting you to be apart of the journey back to me...whoever she is now...maybe we'll find her together. Either way it'll be a ride up down and back around again. Brace yourself because I have a lot of bad days, I have ok days then there are my confusion days....I'll get into that a bit more as time goes on because my lunch break is almost over
- XOXOX
***Well I'll do a post on tomorrow and share more then...thanks for reading. See ya tomorrow***
**RIP Raheem Alexander Washington, now and then I love you dearly**
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